That which exists between conscious minds
👯♂️ TEND & BEFRIEND: Using social connectedness to fortifies ourselves against stress responses from primal fears
More and more of our business and personal communications have become digital, virtual or some combination of the two.
It’s been a win from an accessibility standpoint, as it allows people to conveniently communicate with each other anytime, anywhere, mostly for free.
But from a connectivity standpoint, it’s hurting us. Ask anyone who works remotely or runs a business out of their home.
It doesn’t matter how many times a day we text, email, phone, video chat, share photos, click social media reactions, direct message, instant message and tweet each other, there is simply no replacement for face to face interaction.
Human beings are social animals and we have a biological necessity for in person relational engagement.
Meaning, brains healing brains. Breathing the same air experiences where we can read each other’s every gesture and intention.
That’s where oxytocin, the love hormone, plays a key role in social bonding, and becomes the remedy against our loneliness, which is the most common ailment in modern culture.
It’s one of the reasons wearing a nametag everyday has been such a benefit to my psychological health. Because it only works when other people interact with it. In isolation, it’s just a sticker. The nametag requires at least one other person present to fulfill its function. There is a built in network effect, where the value of the product increases according to the number of others using it.
In short, the nametag forces me into face to face communication. It paints me into an enriching interpersonal corner, which satisfies my primal human need for connection.
Interpersonal neurobiologists are studying this necessity from a chemical perspective. Siegel writes in his comprehensive handbook that when people come together in person to connect, the synaptic linkages within their neural circuitry are reinforced.
Face to face social connectedness fortifies something, called the tend and befriend response. It engages our vagus nerve, which counteracts the stress responses associated with our fight or flight mechanisms.
And their research shows that this integrative communication may help explain how longevity, health, and even happiness are correlated with the presence of social relationships in people’s lives.
Wow, this information would have been wildly useful to me in my twenties and thirties, when my feelings of loneliness were at an all time high, thanks to my career as a writer.
Despite having friends, colleagues, fans, readers and customers around the world, entire days would go by without talking to another human being face to face. Not healthy.
If only my young brain would have realized that the body is biological bereft without human contact.
That which exists between conscious minds, what a magical and nourishing thing that is.
LET ME ASK YA THIS…
How could you expect less from technology and more from each other?